Why I Don’t Cater to Picky Eating

In the world of modern parenting, picky eating is a hot topic — and opinions about how to handle it range from “make a second meal” to “make them eat it anyway!” I sit somewhere in the middle, but my stance is simple: I’m not a short-order cook. Whatever I prepare is what’s available, and my children are free to eat it — or not.

This doesn’t mean I’m dismissive of their preferences, nor am I forcing them to clean their plates. It means I respect their autonomy to decide how much (or how little) they want to eat, while also setting a clear boundary: I will not be making multiple meals to satisfy individual tastes every night. In my home, hunger is a natural consequence of choosing not to eat — not a punishment, not coercion, just the biological reality of how bodies work.

Natural Consequences vs. Punishment

There’s been a lot of debate online about whether this approach is too harsh or even harmful. Some argue that withholding alternatives “creates hunger,” implying that I am responsible for their discomfort. I reject that framing.

Here’s the truth: I provide a nutritious (and delicious, might I add) meal. My children decide whether or not they eat. If they choose not to eat, hunger is the natural consequence — not something I created, but something they experience based on their choice. That’s how natural consequences work. They aren’t adult imposed; they’re just cause and effect. If you don’t eat, you get hungry. If you don’t wear a coat, you feel cold. If you don’t have an umbrella, you get wet. Simple.

Real Life Isn’t a Menu of Favorites

One of my goals as a parent is to help my children build resilience — the ability to adapt when life doesn’t cater to their every preference. In adulthood, you won’t always have your favorite meal in front of you. Sometimes you’ll be a guest at someone’s house, in a work cafeteria, or just too tired to cook anything but leftovers. I want my children to understand that they can handle those moments, because flexibility is a life skill.

This doesn’t mean I’m intentionally exposing them to discomfort for the sake of discomfort. It means I’m preparing them to navigate a world that won’t revolve around their preferences.

Respecting Preferences — Within Reason

Of course, this doesn’t mean I ignore their preferences entirely. I take their likes and dislikes into account when I meal plan. If I know someone truly can’t stand a particular food, I’m not serving it every night just to prove a point. I’m not on a power trip. But I also don’t believe children when they say “I don’t like that”. Children don’t have fully formed, fixed preferences — especially in early childhood. Taste is learned through exposure, and food rejection is often more about power, novelty, or sensory preferences than actual dislike.

In my home, we have a simple rule: you don’t have to eat it, but this is what’s available. There’s always another chance to eat at the next meal or snack. My children are not deprived — they are learning to listen to their bodies, advocate for their needs, and sit with mild discomfort without panicking.

This Works For Us — It May Not Work For You

I want to be clear that this approach works for my family — a family of neurotypical children with no medical feeding issues. I know it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Families navigating sensory processing issues, ARFID, or feeding therapy have vastly different needs, and their approaches will understandably look different. That’s not who my content is speaking to.

At the end of the day, my goal isn’t to control my children’s eating. My goal is to teach them that they are capable — of trying new things, of managing disappointment, and of trusting their own hunger and fullness cues.

If that’s controversial, so be it🤷🏾‍♀️.